Mondays are tooooo busy. They are non-stop and we are on a schedule from the moment I open my eyes. A lot of that schedule used to revolve around food but these days there is a definite emptiness where mealtimes used to be.
I actually resent it; it makes me quite annoyed when I start thinking of food when i KNOW it's not what I want/ need.But food used to calm me down, distract me when I was bored and help me channel my anger towards my eating. Now I'm left to sort out ways of dealing with these uncomfortable times myself.
I think it helps to think of my body as slightly separate from myself- almost like a small child that I need to care for. It needs company, warmth, shelter and food and non of these things can be substituted for any of the others.
I've spend far too many years thinking food is the answer to all of lifes problems and it's very strange not having an old friend beside me all the time.
It's still there of course, but it plays a different role now. Food is mainly for when I'm hungry these days. I went out by myself tonight to wander around the local supermarket to see what I might fancy to have around the house.
I didn't find very much that appealed: a couple of lemon yoghurt, a some cheats latte coffee and some nice muesli bars. I looked at the donuts and baked goods that I had such a great time legalising a few months ago and I just didn't really fancy them. I couldn't get very excited about anything I saw. This is what I resent I think- there is an emptiness where I used to really enjoy food. Now it's purely functional.
It tastes great when I'm hungry but I can't get excited about it.
I guess it's no wonder life is a bit blah at the moment.