There may be a reader out there somewhere who doesn't realise it's the school holidays, but I doubt it.
2 weeks down, 5 to go. The last 2 weeks we are on holiday but we still have three to fill. The weather hasn't been great but the holidays haven't been too dire.
I managed to get away for an overnight spa break with some friends earlier this week. It was very relaxing but I was aware the whole time of how quickly it would all be over. It was good for me to have some 'time off' though. I would love to do it more often.
My feet are much better at last so I've started walking again. I only had two physio sessions but the toe raises and calf stretches have helped so much. I saw a different physio the second time who pointed out I needed to strengthen the muscles in the arch of my foot. Orthotics can support but they don't make it stronger- so I need to concentrate on doing that to help myself.
At my last appointment with V, we mulled over my inclination to eat when hungry in the afternoon. Why do I do this? I actually feel quite anxious if I don't have a little binge at that time. This question has been going around and around in my head and I've always come back to how my fat gives me an advantage in many aspects of my life.
It protects me, like a 'thick skin' would. People don't take me seriously and expect me to be thick- just because I am fat. I don't like to dress up or wear make up and to me this seems more acceptable as a fat person. A thin person is expected to make 'some effort'- when you are my size people assume you are beyond help. If people speak to me and seem to want to be my friend, I know they really like me. If they don't seem to like me, then I can blame my fat- it's not really my fault. And I know I am safe from unwanted attention from men- as someone who has been on the sharp end of that particular pointy stick then I feel safer knowing that any attention I receive from men is purely platonic.
The other day I was going through these rather common reasons and realised that, not only do I quite like being fat, but I am also scared of being thin(ner). The thought actually makes me anxious- the feeling is very similar to the anxiety I experience in the afternoons when I feel like I must eat.
I', worried that if I was thin(ner) people would notice me more (ironically fat people are almost invisible), I would be 'expected' to make more effort with my appearance ( which begs the question; why don't I want to make an effort- am I not worth it, am I too lazy or am trying to piss my mother off), people will expect more of me in general. If people try and make friends with me, they may only like me for my appearance. If they don't like me I can no longer blame my fat 
My mother constantly ignores the many things I have achieved in my almost 40 years on this planet; my degree, my marriage, my kids, and prefers to focus on the fact I am fat. Oh and that I don't wear make up or dress nicely ( unlike my sister on all of those counts-she's thin, well dressed and made up but has neither a degree, a husband or children. It's not a pissing contest but I don't think this is a co incidence).
I guess I get some perverse pleasure in being fat beacause it bothers my mother so much. She doesn't really like me all( although I'm sure she loves me)and I guess, while I'm fat, I have something to blame. If I was thin, then the most likely excuse for my own mother disliking me would disappear....
Hold that thought, I think I'm on to something here.